


Promise Me That You Want This

by Anna_Peach



Series: Show Up When You’re All Fucked Up. [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anal Play, Angst, Angst and Porn, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Ben Solo is a Mess, Bratty Rey, Creampie, Doggy Style, Dom/sub, Dom/sub Undertones, Established Relationship, Eventual Smut, Exes, Exhibitionism, F/M, Finger Sucking, Forced Orgasm, Hate Sex, I'm just a wuss, Kinda, Mildly Dubious Consent, Missionary Position, New Year's Eve, Oral Sex, Overstimulation, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Praise Kink, Public Sex, Rey Needs A Hug, Rey is into it though, Rough Sex, Shameless Smut, So much angst, Spanking, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, actually much closer to being hate sex this time, no actual anal though soz, overuse of the word sweetheart, really though it's just, so much shame
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-06
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:40:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26865301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anna_Peach/pseuds/Anna_Peach
Summary: Snippets of Rey and Ben seeing each other across different rooms, then the time Rey goes across the room to talk to him.Ben wants Rey to hate him, smut ensues.A kind of 5 +1 that follows on from my last fic, can be read as a stand alone.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Poe Dameron & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey & Rose Tico, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Series: Show Up When You’re All Fucked Up. [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1936723
Comments: 2
Kudos: 57





	Promise Me That You Want This

**Author's Note:**

> I was so tempted to call this New Years resolutions. JP Saxe is responsible for the Ben's pining. Title from Lie by Sasha Sloan. Sex from K.L.F.G by Daniela Andrade. Without that I really wouldn't have added oral, lol. 
> 
> POV begins with Ben, then switches to Rey before the smut. I just couldn't decide who to make sadder, whoops. Which is also why the argument works the way it does, it's a confusing whiplash inducing disaster. sns.

Poe walks with him to the bathroom, chattering as he bounces along, it’s wholly unnecessary, Ben knows she’s here. His eyes keep drifting around the bar, trying to see the back of her, to see her neat buns on the back of her head. It’s the only way she could ever style her own hair out of her face. She would have asked him to braid it for her had they still been together, she would have promised to give him the chance to run his fingers through it later as she takes him into her mouth, thoroughly destroying all of his hard work. 

But he doesn’t spot her, Poe is still going on about some new engine he’s been attempting to install in his dad's old truck -he sucks with his hands, and he’s going to need Ben’s help eventually- as he holds the door to the lavatory open. 

Ben scrubs his hand down his face as he goes through the open door, knowing he won’t spot her tonight, knowing that if she doesn’t want to see him then he sure as hell won’t be able to find her, not even the backs of her legs as she enters another part of the club, or the tip of her highest bun as she laughs across the room at the pool tables. No, if she wanted him to see her, she would be in front of him, or in an area she knows he’s likely to frequent, the smokers area or the bar doing shots, just like the last time he saw her. When she left without giving him the opportunity to say his peace, to tell her he was quitting, moving away from law entirely, coming home, coming back to her. She doesn’t know that though, she won’t give him the opportunity to tell her that he’d walk away from it all, from everything, just to be with Rey again. 

* * *

And it goes like this for the next six months, Ben moves back to Chandrila permanently, gets himself a shoebox sized apartment and a job at the local university, goes to all the events he knows he’s going to despise just for the chance to see her again, to explain. Poe leads him around the bars and garden parties, engagement and baby showers of their friends, cutting paths through crowds and giving Rose looks from across the room when he thinks Ben isn’t paying attention. Ben knows they’re bending over backwards making sure he and Rey don’t see each other, Poe doesn’t bring her up and Ben just longingly stares across the spaces they’re in, looking for the top of her head, or her shapely legs. In the back of his mind he knows that Rey must have told them that she didn’t want to see him, and Finn still gives him these looks, looks that would be better suited to for someone that had committed actual genocide. Of course, he could tell them that Rey took advantage of him last time they saw each other, that she didn’t give him a chance to explain, used his body and left in the middle of the night. He could tell the truth about her leaving him too, but it isn’t fair, he doubts she even told them that they left together that evening.

But then it’s Poe’s birthday, an event neither of them can avoid, and Ben cannot be chaperoned by the host, he doesn’t seek her out, he’ll swear it on his own life, but somehow as she walks out of the bathroom he’s waiting outside. She still looks the same, her hair falling in dark waves to her shoulders, minimal makeup on her glazed eyes, and she’s swaying to the heavy guitars drifting out of the living room upto the landing of the second floor. He knows she’s had more than a few drinks, can just tell from how she doesn’t try to get away instantly. 

“Sorry, I- I just need to-” He stumbles over his words, waiting for her to move out of the doorway so he can go piss. 

She’s just staring up at him like she has no clue why he’s there, “You’ve got facial hair.” 

That is not what he was expecting, he reaches to pull at the small patch of hair on his chin self-consciously, “Yeah.” 

“Why?” She scoffs, before rushing to correct herself, “Not that it’s bad, it’s just- you haven’t- you’ve been clean shaven since we finished college and I just never thought you- it’s not bad.” 

She’s pulling at the hem of her cream dress, and it’s the first time he’s really payed attention to anything but her face and the fabric stands out against her tanned legs, the puffed mesh of the sleeves and high neck making them the focal point of her body, he knows he shouldn’t be imagining those legs wrapped around his head but he can’t help himself, images flood his brain, her legs spread under his hands as he buries his face into her centre, pushing them down into the mattress as he pushes himself into her, shows her what she’s been missing. The way they look as she dances around the kitchen in the morning or stretches before she works out, how she used to have to stretch onto her tiptoes to get the detergent when doing laundry. The images are as mundane as they are dirty, and all of them make him regret leaving her three years ago. 

“I should probably- Rose, I should go find Rose.” Rey says, interrupting his thoughts and pressing her body into his to get past him in the narrow corridor. 

He can’t help himself though, “I feel guilty when I kiss other people.” He sees Rey flinch, but she makes no move to turn back and face him, just freezes in place. He meant the words to be a comfort but as she rights herself and continues towards the stairs, he fears they’ve only been to his detriment. Her head disappears below the landing and he stands there berating himself for his own idiocy before turning to use the bathroom.

* * *

“Not only has he kissed someone else, but it’s been multiple people!”

“It has been two years and, it’s not like you haven't moved on too!” Ben can see Hux rolling his eyes at Rey, his arm is wrapped around Rose, Ben is sure that if Hux and Rose weren’t together, Rey would not be telling him this; she hated him even more than Ben did. 

“Three.” She levels at him before she realises that there are other things to be angry about; sputtering at him incoherently before turning to focus more obviously on Rose, “He just- how can he say something like that! I couldn’t even get a  _ dog  _ without him and he’s off fucking- fucking- argh!” She grunts, downing the contents of her red cup, pressing her fingers tightly into the plastic, hearing a satisfying crack as it snaps and flattens in her fist. 

Ben knows this isn’t a conversation he should be eavesdropping on, knows Rey wouldn’t want him hearing any of her conversations, let alone this one. 

Hux makes eye contact with him over Rey’s head and shakes his own slightly. Ben turns and walks away, he finds Poe, tells him goodbye and leaves. He doesn’t look for Rey on the way out and he knows she didn’t look for him either.

* * *

He’s avoiding her now, she knows he’s stopped going to the parties, or the bars she frequents, and on group outings if he knows she’ll be there. Rey knows this not because Rose told her, and not because Poe is around more, not just greeting her in passing and then avoiding her because he’s with Ben. She knows because she can feel it, or rather, feel the lack of him. It’s in the way her chest tightens when another man tries to flirt with her at the bar, knowing she has no interest in them and cannot use them to make Ben jealous. Rey knows not to drink too much now because Ben won’t be there to pour her into a cab at the end of the night, not that he had before, but knowing that he was there, that he could have, would have if she’d needed him to. It helped her relax into herself, on edge, but also breathing easier knowing he was there, just a shout across the room. It helped her stop holding on, to let go of the stresses of her work life and failing romantic trysts, he made her feel safer. 

Knowing he won’t be there makes her go out less, favouring take-out and nights in at Rose’s, the box-wine much more preferable to her bank account. Getting drunk at brunch and falling asleep by four on a Sunday afternoon. Throwing herself into her work more than ever and wondering what could have been. Instead of hopping from pubs to bars in the evenings, she’s running between meetings and coffee houses.

It’s where she sees him next, as she’s ordering a latte with an extra shot, she turns to survey the tables behind her, and there he is, having tucked himself into one of the too-small, red leather chairs in a corner. His black filter coffee seems entirely forgotten, she can still see the oily liquid close to the top of the mug, but from the way he’s sat and the mess of papers on the table surrounding him, she guesses he’s been there a while. 

He looks slimmer, the set of his brow low and unmoving as his lips work over the end of his pen, the skin dry and bitten down, tell-tale red lines marking the centre where they’ve cracked and bled. She can’t see his eyes, the circles under them are more prominent though, like they were in those last few weeks, it hurts her to see him like this and not know the cause. If she’s entirely honest, he looks like shit. 

He pulls the pen down and begins to scribble furiously as he pushes his lips out, he looks upset, angry and like he needs to take a break, and she feels her chest constrict with the memories that flood in of before he left, and of after, how at one point, she probably looked worse than he does right now. 

“Ma’am?” The server snaps Rey back to attention as the hot paper cup is placed into her hand. 

“Oh, uh, thank you.” She stumbles over her words, pressing her fingers into the cup gauging whether or not she’ll need a sleeve to save her hand on the journey home. She goes to turn but thinks better of it, “Actually, can you give that guy something, a-“ She pauses behind the glass of the display, Ben rarely ate sweets, she didn’t want to get him something he wouldn’t eat, “Just a croissant, keep the change” She placed a note on the counter, the chime of the bell above her too loud as she tries to slip out without him seeing her, hopefully that would have been the only signal to him that someone else was really there and that the server wasn’t just taking pity on him.

* * *

Rey opens the door to her apartment, the cool April air from outside rushing in as she goes to take off her coat, she never moved after Ben left, sure in the three years since, the living room and bedroom have gone through a few paint jobs and a new sofa, but the old bookshelf pushed against the far wall is still his, some of the classics she refuses to touch, reminders of him, like when she found the contract tucked between the pages of the Mark Twain his father had scribbled into. The bookshelf holds plants and candles and photo frames that go untouched, the bookcase is a stale reminder of what they had, only viewed by guests or ignored from the corner of her eye. No furniture directly faces the reminder of the last two weeks they had together.

Rey knows she should move, maybe to a completely new area, or at least down the street. The exposed brick in the kitchen, big windows and incredible wood floors coupled with the rent that Rey was able to afford once she picked up another job; it all meant that she couldn’t give it up. It’s a dream apartment, even if sometimes she bursts into tears over her morning coffee because she spots the paint splatters from when they painted the walls without covering the floor after they first moved in, or she notices a particular book that he would orate from to make her laugh. Maybe she finds one of the notes he’d left her before he’d gone on a business trip, some scrawled poetry or dumb joke, they make her cry the most. Or maybe she just remembers the way he would sit in the living room, watching some mundane sitcom while waiting for her to come home. Walking through the door that morning, some part of her hopes that he'll magically be there again, waiting for her, like the last few years have just been a bad dream.

She definitely should have moved. 

* * *

  
  


It takes an eternity for an event that she knows Ben will be at to take place, it’s Poe’s new years party, his house is packed full of swaying bodies ranging from younger than Rey to older than she thought possible. Anyone knowing this many people doesn’t seem possible, trusting them in your home is lightyears away from anything Rey would let happen in this universe. 

Rey’s cup is filled with lemonade, as much as she might want the liquid courage for tonight, she needs a clear head. Neither of them are being babysat tonight, and Ben never left after the wedding, Finn told her he quit law, the job he slogged through years of school for, missed parties and family events for. Gave her up for. And she needs to know why. 

She finds him later on the patio outside, the air is frigid, but he’s standing under a tall heater as he pulls on his cigarette. He’s still too thin, his shoulders sloping down and hunched over as he s hivers in the glow of the heater that fights with that of the fairy lights that have been haphazardly tossed onto the back wall of the house. 

“Ben.” She whispers it, it had meant to come out louder, to float over the din of noise that echoes from the party inside, it doesn’t, but he turns anyway. 

“Hi.” He says on an exhale, the word sounding more strained than she would’ve expected, he wanted this right? He wanted her back, Armie had said as much, said he’d come back to Chandrila and moved away from practicing law, he came here for her, he could’ve stayed in some big city closer to his parents, or gone to the middle of nowhere to be further from them. But no, he came here, to the town that Rey had made her home in, the town that they had made their home in. 

“I-“ She pauses, and then decides to step closer to lean on the back of one of the wooden garden chairs beside the heater. She searches his face for some clue as to what would be an appropriate conversation starter, finding nothing, she chooses not to hold her tongue, if it’s bad she can play it off like she’s drunk, right? 

“I heard you left law.” She picks at a hangnail on her ring finger, finding that his eyes pierced through her too easily, his nostrils flaring slightly as if he didn’t want her around, she knows she hurt him last time, she knows because the wound inside her is still smarting from over a year ago. 

He sighs, shuffles his feet closer to her, she lifts her eyes to him, staring from beneath her lashes, his hand is covering his mouth like he doesn’t know what to say, Rey doesn’t either.

“I was being torn apart, I just-” His eyes lift to hers as his hand flexes, begging to move towards her face to hold on to her, ground them both to this moment, let them both believe this is real, “I wanted to be free of the pain and guilt that came with the job.” 

She didn’t think he actually felt guilty about his job, he was always so pragmatic, she forgot that maybe the Ben that valued her opinion and felt things the same way she did was still the man in front of her, that the man referenced in news articles and on the television was really the boy she threw popcorn at when she was only 19. Seven years later and his eyes aren’t the same, heavier, darker, somehow more fearful than she thought possible. 

“You’re back now,” She whispers, reaching for his hand, “That’s what matters.” She didn’t want it to be this easy for him. For him to be able to look at her with his broken heart, and for her to just fall right back, tumbling into a dark hole that she won’t be able to claw her way out of this time. She knew it would be, knew that in reality she never crawled out, not at the wedding, Poe’s birthday, Jessika’s baby shower and especially not at the coffee shop. She was stuck with her broken heart just like he was stuck with his guilty conscience. 

He flinches away from her, and she feels it then, the chill of the wind biting her legs, the tears stinging her eyes and the rock nestled deep in her stomach. 

“Oh, okay. I- uh.” Her mind is flitting across possible sentences, ways to get away, she wants to be spiteful, wants to be comforting, she doesn’t know the man in front of her though, hasn’t recognised Ben Solo in his eyes for a long time. 

“I wish the best for you, I really do, I hope you’re happy.” There’s a desperation in the squeak of her voice, small over the roar of the metal heater. The tears are threatening to overflow because Rey really believed that tonight would be the night they reconciled, that she stopped hating him and he stopped regretting leaving her. She wanted a clean slate, a way to pull the haze of pain away from her memories of him. 

As she turns away from him, her hand subconsciously goes inside her jacket pocket for the pack of smokes she bought just in case, she feels his fingers pressing the leather into her shoulder, preventing her from walking away. “No, Rey.  _ Fuck.  _ I’m not.” 

She can’t move, her brain is frozen, entirely focused on the weight and size of his hand on her, “I’m not happy.” 

“Then go back to law.” She hisses through clenched teeth, it’s not what she means, not what she wants, but she hates that he left her, hates that he isn’t happy being closer to her. 

“I can’t.” He’s just as angry, his deep voice turning her stomach in a way that she both loves and loathes.

She turns on her heel, his hand falling off her shoulder as she starts to seethe at him, words pushing out from between her teeth, “What could possibly hold you here?  _ What could have kept you there?  _ You said you wanted to spend your life with me and then you left me! You said you were unhappy there and you left! Well now you have nothing to leave behind,  _ so why the hell wouldn’t you go back to being a corrupt asshole?” _

“I thought I could change things!” He hisses right back at her, hands thrown in the air. 

“Oh yeah? Well, they only got worse! You destroyed an entire ecosystem!” Her laugh is humourless, her eyes burning as they bore into him.

“It’s an  _ oil company!  _ It’s kind of what they do.” He scoffs, the harsh chuckle coming out of him throwing her off balance, it’s like she’s 23 again and he’s telling her he has to leave, no offer for her to join him, no pretense about staying together, or calling every night, just him laughing harshly in her face when she suggested they try long-distance. 

She’s shouting now, but it’s loud and she wants to be ruthless, she wants to mean what she says, to hurt him, make him cry and to walk away leaving him shaking. She steps back preemptively, jabbing her finger in the air in front of his face. “You can’t hide from me Ben! I  _ know  _ you, I know you’re haunted by what you’ve done, by the innocents you’ve hurt, the ones you’ve  _ killed.”  _

That word slices through the air around them, the music cutting out and the wind picking up around them as the people inside begin to count down, the clock nearing midnight, this isn’t how she wanted tonight to go, but she needs to get this off her chest, the weight dropping to the floor so she can walk away, to stop dragging her feet finally. 

“Rey.” He’s practically growling, his dark eyes looking down at her, telling her to stop, she doesn’t head their warning. 

“ _ No Ben.  _ You used to lose sleep over taking the last damn k-cup! There’s no way this shit doesn’t affect you!” 

_ “Fuck.”  _ It comes out just as fireworks shoot up behind them from another house or maybe a nearby park, the screams of everyone inside a low hum, a nuisance in the back of her mind, barely noticeable with how compelling his face and voice currently are. His voice is harsh, his breathing picking up despite him not moving. 

“You already said as much, even if you hadn't though, I’ve seen the shit you’ve done, the shit you’ve  _ defended,  _ it fucking destroys me and and I have nothing to do with that industry, let alone that damn company.” He’s shaking now, his hands flexing as she continues her tirade. 

“I can’t go back!” The shout is ripped from his chest like even he wasn’t expecting it, “Even if I wanted to! Don’t you follow the fucking news? I was fired, I leaked private info about how  _ they  _ fucked up, about how  _ they _ didn’t even bother to try to clean up the oil spill, how  they tried to hide it and they fucking _fired_ me! God, Rey! They should sue the fuck out of me, I’m surprised they didn’t put a damn hit out on me after their stock tanked.” His hands are tight on her shoulders, shaking her with his every word, and she can’t move, her brain frozen, stuck on the fact that he doesn’t want to go back. 

Her red lips are parted on a silent gasp, before finally they begin to move on their own, “This isn’t- I didn’t..This wasn’t supposed to go this way.” The tears are stinging at the back of her eyes now, but she isn’t angry, there’s shame, and grief, and a deep hollowing sadness, but not anger, even if logically she knows she should be angry for all he did while working for a corrupt oil company, and for leaving the way he did.

“How was it supposed to go?” The whispering is accompanied by his hold on her arms loosening to become a comforting stroking across her shoulders. 

She’s more sure of herself now, he won’t leave this conversation, even if he wants to, nor will she, despite how much she wants to run to the kitchen and do a shot of tequila, “If this was going how I wanted it to we’d have nothing to argue about. This whole thing, it wouldn’t have… exploded, we’d be fucking right now and then I’d be off home to see you in a couple months and do this all over again.” 

“I don’t want that though.” 

“You- You don’t want what?” 

“I don’t want to have to wait months, I don’t want to have to act like we have nothing to argue about. “ 

“What?”

“Rey,” He groans, “You came over here looking for a fight, you know we have stuff to argue about.” 

She’s shocked, he actually  _ wants  _ to argue with her, he wants her to be mad? “Well, yeah, I- You ruined my life basically.”

“Okay, how?”

“ _ How?”  _ She scoffs, the whole series of events has her tumbling through emotions so fast that now her emotions have detached from her, she can only be surprised and confused. “Well, it’s not fair, and it isn’t okay, it’s not okay at all. It isn’t fair that you got to just walk away while I defected on rent without you, or that I was left stranded, standing still while everyone else just carried on with their lives. You realise what leaving did to me right?” 

“What did it do?” His voice is low, his head bent down so he’s only inches away from her face now. 

She’s beginning to feel the flames licking up her spine as her anger creeps back into her, “You- You took my whole life with you! You know? What was I left with? That’s a genuine question because I just don’t know. You took everything, my dignity, my ability to love, my whole fucking soul. Everything I am was tied to you, and you tied me to the ground. I had to completely reinvent myself! All because you left!” 

“And with no explanation too, I never knew what I did to make you leave, people ask me all the time, they say they thought you were  _ happy _ , they  _ thought  _ that, like now they know it isn't true, like I could'a never made you happy, then-” She chuckles humorlessly, “Then they ask me what it was that I did to make you leave! Can you believe that? They try to blame me even though it’s clearly you-” Her finger digs into the hard muscle of his chest, “you that’s the asshole! I wouldn’t know anyways, so Ben, for the next person that asks me,  _ what exactly did I do to make you leave this whole damn city?”  _

His hands are covering her face before she has a chance to blink up at him, lips pressing against her own needily, his frustration coming through as his teeth bite into her lower lip, and she can’t refuse him as her mouth opens up for his tongue to slide against her own, hands winding in his long hair. His lips are harsher than they were over a year ago, more desperate, like he knows she wants to pull back and slap him across the cheek for being so forward. 

She doesn’t, only presses her torso up into his as he leans over her, she  _ needs  _ this, it’s what she came here for, to argue and to claw at his back and to end it all with one of the most satisfying and bone numbing orgasms she’s ever had. The anger swirling through her spine transforming from a dark red, to a brighter swirl of lust.

She moans as he moves his face down from her lips, dragging his teeth across her jaw as her breath gasps out of her. 

“You hate me then?” He’s practically growling as his hands roam over her body, one of them going to cup her ass through her dress, she can’t tell which, it doesn’t matter though, his hands are everywhere all at once, dragging hot flames across her skin in the cold night. 

“N-no.” She whimpers as he bites down on her exposed collarbone, pulling the skin slightly in warning, “Yes. Yes I hate you, so much.” She moans on her exhale, very aware of how exposed they are while not caring in the slightest. 

“Good,” He pushes the hand on her bum up slightly to get a better grip on her as he lifts her to sit on the wooden back of the chair she was leaning against earlier, pressing his other hand into her lower back so that he’s pressed between her legs as he reclaims her mouth. 

He must have kissed dozens of other girls in the years past. He devours her, knows exactly the angle at which to press his face into hers without his nose digging into her cheek too harshly, he knows how to make her want this to never end, knows how to hold the back of her neck in a way that makes her never want to pull away. He knows how to press his body against her so that she’s left wanting more before he’s even begun to pull away. 

“I want you inside of me.” She gasps out as she feels his erection press in between her thighs. 

He groans, “In Poe’s backyard?” 

It’s like she’s been doused in ice water, she pushes at his chest, moving his head from the crook of her shoulder so she can stand on shaky heels. 

Rey’s brain is buzzing now, snapping bolts of electricity running through her thoughts, chastising her whilst trying to decide where best they could fuck without being seen. She should hate him, she truly should, but she wants him, needs him. She can’t help it as her fingers twine with his and she pulls him to the house. 

Everyone else there is too drunk or busy laughing with each other, ringing in the new year and hoping for a better future; they don’t see Rey slip up the stairs dragging an over enthusiastic giant behind her. She knows which of the rooms will be empty as she turns down the corridor, past Poe’s bedroom and further to the guest bedroom that she was supposed to be sleeping in tonight before she decided against drinking.  _ Whoops _ , Rey can always change the sheets if they make too much of a mess.

* * *

Rey hears the click and snap of the lock as he pushes her back against the door, pressing onto her again, his fingers lighting her skin like the fireworks outside, fast and bright, over too soon as they find purchase on another body part. Curling over her upper arm, wrapping around her wrist and bringing her fingers to pull at his hair. Then, running over the curve of her breast as he finds her nipples beneath the thin blue fabric. His hands are moving too fast, and with her mouth being thoroughly explored by his own, she can’t think, can’t focus, a jumble of current feelings and future desires swirling dark in her mind, the waves rolling over her, pulling her under until she is only desire and all rational thoughts of why this should not happen, cannot happen, are washed away. 

She truly had forgotten how right his body felt pressed against her own, she’d imagined it, sure, the memories of him fuelling many lonely nights with her vibrator. In her fantasies he had never been this aggressive, this insistent. She feels his hands searching her back for a zipper, low noises of frustration coming from his throat and into her mouth. 

She pulls on his hair slightly, wrenching his mouth from hers, breathing out, “Side, it’s on the side.” before pulling his mouth back to hers, her tongue running over his teeth and pushing against his own in a battle for dominance that he would no doubt win if his focus wasn’t on using his fingers to pull the discrete zip down her side. 

“Off.” he growls before wrapping his hands around her waist, it feels like they circle her completely, the tips of his large fingers digging into her as he presses his teeth into the side of her neck, dragging the skin into his mouth and sucking punishingly. She cannot move, his mouth making her mind fuzzy. 

He pulls away harshly, his left hand wrapping around her chin as her brown eyes bore into his own, she must look completely ruined, he hasn’t even touched her properly yet, and she feels like she’s freshly fucked, dazed out and loopy with the promise of more. 

“I said  _ take it off.”  _

_ “ _ Ben, I-“ She’s gasping for air as she pushes at the thin straps on her shoulders, “-Couldn’t take it off with you all over me, could I?” She wants to sound put-out, like he’s wrong, instead she sounds guilty, the breathiness of her voice ruining any power her words could have held. 

He hums, dark eyes boring into her in the even darker room, the shadow of his brow bone intimidating in the low light from the window. “What was that? Are you challenging me now Rey? You were all talk downstairs, telling me how awful I am, how about I show you how awful I truly can be?” 

Her dress is gathered on the floor by the time his hands grab at her waist, dragging her to the bed as a small shriek escapes her lips automatically. He sits heavily on the end of the mattress before bending her in half over his thighs. 

“You know Rey, you act so much better than everyone else, but you’re no saint.” His fingers push under the waistband of her lace underwear and she feels the heat creeping up her neck and into her face, like this she’s completely exposed, cannot hide how worked up she is, but she isn’t ashamed, she can feel his own arousal insistent at her stomach. 

“A saint wouldn’t have rushed to take their dress off like you did.” his palm skates over her spine fingers tapping her lightly, playing her strings like a violin, tuning her body until she’s ready to snap. 

“A saint wouldn’t be wearing panties like this.” She feels the waistband snap back against her hip, it isn’t painful, but she still jolts slightly at the surprise of it, the sound loud in the quiet of the room. 

“A saint,” His fingers dip under their lace now, “wouldn’t be this wet.” He pushes one of his thick digits inside of her, the easy slide of it proof of her obscene arousal. 

“I think,” He pulls his finger away, brushing over her clit, making her let out a pitiful whine, before he pulls his fingers away, running his palm instead over one of her ass cheeks. “I think that you’re very bad, do you know what happens to bad girls, Rey?” He squeezes now, nails digging in as more slick pumps out of her. The underwear she has on must be ruined, they were expensive too, a shame really, but this is worth a ruined pair of expensive panties. 

“They get what they want?” She squeaks. 

“ _ No.”  _ His hand smacks down on her at the same time as he speaks. It’s painful, not like when they used to do it, he doesn’t start soft and build up to the punishment, his palm is swift as it raises again, landing another smack in the same place. Then he presses his finger tips into her ass cheek. The pressure providing relief whilst heightening the sting. 

“Isn’t that right Rey? I think you want this, I think you know you deserve this.” 

She whimpers as his hand lands down on her ass again, she knows he’s enjoying this, revelling in the small noises she makes as he raises his palm again, his own words propelling him as his fingertips hit the edge of the lace. 

He peels her underwear away, down her thighs and into a puddle at her feet, the cool air just another reminder of how aroused she is. 

“ _ Ben.”  _ The moan is pulled from her as his fingers run down her slit, pressing and swirling at her clit as her hips press back to him. 

“What do you want sweetheart?” Suddenly two of his fingers are pressing into her as his thumb still rubs around her clit, when she can only moan and writhe in response his fingers still, thumb pulling away. “Rey, use your words.” He admonishes. 

“I want you inside of me.” 

“Oh?” He sounds scandalised, and Rey can’t help but think he’s a massive shit head, she knows he’s probably grinning down at her as he drags his fingers out of her.  He presses them to her lips, “Here?” He pushes them onto her tongue, pumping them in and out of her mouth just like he had been fucking her pussy with them. 

She shakes her head around his digits, “No, I thought not, you’ve always been a greedy little thing, haven’t you?” 

He pulls the spit soaked finger tips from her mouth, “Good girls get what they want, but you haven’t been good, so maybe I should take you somewhere else?” 

The wet slide of his fingertips against the pucker of her ass is a surprise, not entirely unwelcome, but she hasn’t seen him, spoken to him for almost a year, at least not properly. This feels like he never left, like it’s three years ago and they’ve snuck away from the party because they both got bored. 

Then they drift lower, Rey let out a sigh that she hadn’t known she’d been holding in. 

“I can’t resist. Can’t help myself Rey. The things you do to me.” Suddenly he’s pulling her up and pushing her back, laying her onto the nest of pillows and curling his body over hers. 

All of a sudden his eyes search hers, and it feels like it’s been eternity since she’s seen his face as she reaches up to kiss him, to push her upper body into his and wrap her legs around his waist. 

He pulls back and pushes his hair out of his eyes, reaching to do the same to her, resting his fingertips at her ear as his eyes flit between focusing on hers, “This is okay, right? I can- I can stop, just tell me.” 

Her hands reach to begin undoing the buttons of his shirt as her head rocks up and down, “It‘s okay, it’s good.” Her fingers find purchase on his shoulders, pushing the white cotton over them, “It’s perfect, just- just keep going.” 

Her fingers fumble over the button of his dark jeans now, as one of his much larger ones goes to flick her away. 

“ _ Tsk tsk.  _ Impatience won’t get you what you want.” His shirt is thrown to the floor as he crawls down her body, trailing kisses between her small breasts and over her stomach, his nails raking lines into her sides, the sharpness of the pain delighting her nerve endings and making her skin focus on the rough drag of his facial hair just below her belly button, the slide of his tongue on the inside of her thighs. 

Then one of his hands pushes up to find purchase on one of her small boobs, his hand covering it completely as he squeezes. His tongue darting out to lick into her.

“You don’t know how much I’ve missed this.” She groans as his tongue flicks at her clit, his lips wrapping around her skin and beginning to suck. 

“Oh I think I can imagine.” She moans, her chest heaving under his hand as her orgasm approaches, she just needs something  _ more.  _

“I need- Ben,  _ please,  _ please- I need, can you-?” Her moans are broken and sentences aborted as the hand not currently twisting at her nipples comes to push two of his digits into her, curling upwards as she comes with a shriek, clenching down on his fingers as her chest arches up towards the ceiling.

She had forgotten how good he was at that, her imagination couldn’t possibly compare, no toy could mimic the wave of pleasure that crashes over her, his fingers sliding out slickly as his lips crash against her own, she is dimly aware of his bare legs against her, the course hair over his calves scratching at her own smooth skin. in the back of her mind she wonders when he took his jeans off, but the thought is quickly abandoned as his tongue slides against her own and she tastes the salty tang of her cum in his mouth. 

“You good, sweetheart?” His mouth is moving against her neck now, his hand pulling her hair to the side, the sting of pain at her scalp drawing a sharp moan out of her. 

“Can you just fuck me already?” She snaps, her legs moving up so that her apex is bared and pressing into his erection. 

“You’re so greedy, I love it.” He grunts through his teeth as he wraps his fist around his cock, the head nudging at her clit. 

“You want me to fuck you?” Ben’s voice is slow, the low tone of the growl a complete contrast to the noises Rey is making.

Rey nods her head frantically, shifting her hips in an effort to get him to slip inside. 

“Ask me nicely sweetheart, show me you can be good.”

“Please, please fuck me Ben, I can be good- can be good for you, only for you.” Her babbling doesn’t stop as he presses in, the stretch burning slightly, no amount of foreplay or orgasms could prepare her for the size of him. It was always a shock, even now, with him breathing heavily above her, only halfway sheathed inside her clenching pussy, she’s tight and he’s stretching her to her limits. 

His hand comes up to cradle her face as he bottoms out, his eyes dark above her, something slithers up her spine, it feels like fear, but its intertwined with her arousal in a way that makes her feel like prey, like she should run. Or maybe she should turn her head to the side, submit to him, let him take her roughly, work all his anger out on her, let him thoroughly debase her, and she’ll enjoy it. 

His mouth claims hers as he begins to thrust, there’s another flicker in her mind, a flame licking at the edges of her thoughts, telling her that this isn’t a one-time thing, that sex like this isn’t a random hook-up. It’s too personal, too intimate, he’s licking into her mouth, his hips setting a punishing pace as Rey brings her hands to his shoulders, only needing to push lightly before he raises his head, hips stuttering as he lifts up, looking at her in confusion. 

“Fuck me from behind.” She moves before he can respond, his cock sliding out of her as she twists her hips and pushes back towards him, pressing her ass back to meet his hips. His hands wrap around them tightly, as he lines up and presses back into her tight heat.

“You like this sweetheart? You like being fucked like a whore?” He grunts over her, the bed creaking with the strain of his forceful thrusts.

_ “Yes!”  _ She screams loudly as she approaches her orgasm, his fingers reaching below her to flick at her clit as his thrusts speed up. “There, right there! Keep going Ben, don’t you dare stop!” 

“I would- never.” He’s grunting above her as his hips stutter and press particularly deep while she comes, his fingers not letting up until Rey collapses forwards onto the pillows, legs shaking as he continues to push into her. 

“So good for me, so good sweetheart, _ I’m going to cum. _ ” Ben groans, he is thrusting shallowly now, barely pulling out before dragging her hips back to meet his, his low moans and grunts feral above her. 

“Do you think you can come again?” His hand is back at her clit, rubbing harsh circles against her. 

“ _ No,  _ Ben,  _ please, I can’t.”  _ Rey wails, despite the orgasm building in her, her stomach coiling tight. 

“You can,  _ stop holding on!  _ Come with me Rey.” A loud grunt follows as he finally empties himself inside of her, and she can’t help herself and his hand doesn’t let up, her orgasm rolling through her blissed out body like a tidal wave, completely pulling her under, ruining her as he pulls out of her. Rey can vaguely feel the trickle of his spend down her thigh as Ben turns her over and presses soft kisses to her collar bone.

* * *

_ “You were so good for me Rey,” _

_ “My sweetheart, I’ve missed you so much.” _

_ “So perfect, I’ve been thinking about this for forever.”  _

_ “Never letting you go again.”  _

These low murmurs register dimly as she drifts off with his large arms secured around her, her body blissed out and boneless.

* * *

She groans when she feels the warm bed beneath her shift, turning her body over before hearing a muffled “ _ Fucking hell.”  _ as her hand slams back down beside her.

Rey jolts upwards, twisting the sheets together as she stares down at her ex-boyfriend in the bed beside her. She feels her hips aching, knees begging to be straightened out as the bones hiss their objection through her nerves. 

So Rey does, she lies down and curls her body back into his, head on his chest as she levels her frantic breathing. 

“Sorry I hit you, ‘m used to sleeping alone.” She murmurs into the skin of his chest. She looks up then, met with an awkward view of his chin, she can see the stubble around the patch that he’s let grow out, Rey can’t resist dragging her fingers against the skin there, going up and down, the motion of her fingers comforts them both, grounding her to the moment and letting him know that she doesn’t regret what they have done. 

“My legs hurt.” She says, pressing a kiss to the underside of his jaw as his arm skates down her back, pulling her impossibly closer to the warm heat of his body. 

“Sorry, guess I was a little rough.” His voice is thick but she can still hear his shit-eating grin, doesn’t even have to open her eyes to confirm her suspicions. His palm is squeezing at her ass now, the pressure revitalising the slight sting. 

“It’s ‘kay, haven’t done that in ages.” She’s barely speaking, her words breathy as sleep begins to take her again. 

He hums, pressing kisses into her hair, she’s sure he says something in response, but she doesn’t remember it the next morning when she wakes. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> This has literally taken me a month and I didn't even get all the snippets that I have written in, part three next year then? 
> 
> Anyways, my [Twitter](https://twitter.com/HaysianBarbie).


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